Befriending Unbelievers

I've often heard it said and even used to say myself that we should befriend unbelievers in order to win them to Christ. That seems like it would be a noble reason to love people, doesn’t it? So that we can win them to Christ. But the truth is, that’s not a good reason for loving or befriending people. We befriend people, we love people because that’s our nature. It's who we are. To befriend a person who’s not a Christian and to love that person simply for the purpose of leading them to faith in Jesus Christ means that you have developed a relationship with them with an ulterior motive.

Don’t misunderstand, there’s nothing wrong with wanting to see people come to trust Christ, but we are to love people and befriend them, not for a hidden agenda, but because Christ lives in us, and he simply loves people. He loves them if they are believers or if they aren’t believers. In fact, he loves them even if they are never going to become believers.

There’s a story in the New Testament, in Mark, where Jesus met a rich young ruler. He came to him and said “What do I need to do to inherit eternal life, good master?” And Jesus says: “Well, what you need to do is to sell everything that you have, and give it to the poor.” The reason that he told him that, was because this guy thought he was a great keeper of the law, and Jesus said ‘let’s raise the bar and let the law reveal your sin’, which that’s what law does. And the man was unwilling to do that, he went away very sad, but there’s an interesting verse in Mark 10:21 that reveals the heart of Jesus. “Looking at him, Jesus felt a love for him”.

Now here’s an important question: Do you think Jesus knew from the beginning that that man was not going to turn to him and follow him? Of course he did. And yet with that full knowledge of how this man was going to respond, the Bible says Jesus looked at him and felt love for him.

Let’s just love people. The truth is, if you befriend somebody just for the purpose of bringing them to Christ, people sense when there’s an ulterior motive. They tend to know when we have an underlying hidden agenda that we’re not telling them. So let’s lay that aside, and let’s just love others because Christ is in us, and God is love, and it’s our nature to love, and when we love them the way that He does - unconditionally, then, don’t be surprised, if you don’t find these unbelievers being attracted to the Christ in you, and wanting you to give them more information about what it means to follow Him. And ultimately they’ll come to know the Lord anyway.

But the idea that we need to befriend unbelievers in order to win them to Christ is deceptive and far removed from Agape. We befriend unbelievers and love them because we can do no less, because Christ is our life, he loves them, so we love them too.